Backstory: One morning while getting ready for work I found myself stuck with the song, ‘Never Say Never’ by Justin Bieber & Jaden Smith specifically the rap section. These lines teleported me back to my days in Intermediate – now my school wasn’t a ‘Decile 1’ school which meant we got Duffy books which was always exciting. I mean who doesn’t love free books right?! After picking my selection from the catalogue, the day came when the books arrived and I was missing mine. I asked my teacher and she confirmed that all the books had come. To my shock I found that another student had decided to hid my book which I couldn’t understand at first. This was the first time I experienced bullying and the guy was was bigger than me and taller than me. The worst part about this was that I had to get ready to go to work while processing this thing. As I drove holding back tears, the lines for the poem started to mind. I called it ‘Venom’ after being inspired by the events of ‘Spider-Man 3’ film where Peter Parker when the host of the symbiote makes sense interesting decisions including some shocking dance moves.Hope this helps someone as it did for me while writing it and performing it at our ‘Ko Au Tēnei’ spoken word poetry event!
I wasn’t always the shy guy
Not the fly guy
But slowly become the four eyed guy
Told that my tarmac sized buck teeth were big enough to land a plane
And although the braces will bend back my smile into that perfect shape
The metal and glue cannot reduce the residue of their rhetoric
Talkative my teachers would tell you tales about how I would ramble
With not enough time during recess to squeeze out all Looney tunes
I would channel them into the classroom
But what happens when the chatterbox is silenced?
When their voices are louder and more vicious
What happens when they steal your book
Your innocence
Your imagination and hide it for months
I wish I could Karate kick him in the face but I had no Mister Miyagi to teach me
Plus he was stronger than me
Bigger than me
More powerful than me
Overpowered I let my antagonist devour me like I was his dessert
Although how do you stick up for yourself when you’re being shaken down?
Hands in the airs instead of in position to throw them
Defenseless and aggravated
Robbed of your personality
Forced to live with a new reality or do you fight
But I couldn’t hurt a fly
My fists not fashioned to feel the force of flesh and face
I trace back the lines of trauma
Terrified by his presence
It haunts me
So I terrorised those who threatened my facade
With my coping mechanism words
I’ll leave you with daggers and swords
In the hospital ward
I emulated the tough guy routine
Trying to blend in with the cool kids
But I was neither fast or furious
Nor strong or serious
I became a bully because of my bully
A burdened bared but now passed on
Broken people break others
They bleed and take innocent blood in the process
I the nerd, he the jock
I Peter Parker, he Flash Thompson
Not science fiction this was literal
Might sound like a cliche but this was critical
Kid quickens his counterfeit confidence
Counterattacks, as he cascades the arrows in his quiver
Young adult male cries in his car
Overwhelmed by emotions
Overcome by the occasion
Can I tell you that he is the nicest person that I know?
Insecurity lived here once
Inadequacy occupied this outlet
Shhh… don’t make any noise
Blend in
Don’t stand out
You’ll be chopped down
People
People are peculiar
Pedantic and at times unpopular with their opinions
But it is people who positioned around this adolescent
Not just through the pretty pictures but also through the problematic periods
His Presence
His Presence present perpetually
Not pardoned to bad stays or sad emotional sways
See salvation does not eventually fade away but saves the day again and again
A reminder that a relationship is committed to and changes are imminent as you get to know each two
Developments of dance circles breaking shells and freestyle rap ball partner proposals with results that don’t end swell
Butt of the joke comes as he’s now embracing the embarrassment
He is no longer a shadow
A figure in the dark
He has come into the light
Patience proclaimed by peers and clients alike
He is no longer fighting dirty
No longer the boy wonder to his caped crusader
Great white shark Batman, this citizen has changed
Although it wasn’t an overnight sensation
An extreme makeover
But a takeover
A throwing away off old ways
A reminder that He is loved
Why do you cry child?
What has made you blue?
Clueless of your creation
You compensated for a side character
Now this is not to tut horns as you are not doing anything wrong
And this is not a friendly reminder as we’re not driving
But thriving He was not
Malnourished He wasn’t a day different from the day He stepped off that plane
Did I tell you that He found his own lane?
And now He trains others to not refrain from telling their testimonies
He is not a phony figure but where He lacks in stature His brings in heart
Restored and redeemed
Self esteem now stemmed from the roots of reverence rather than the pretty words of peers or people
A prodigal whose Father waits and continues to wait on days it hard to come home
Hope when it’s feel less than full
Dressing not to impress or to appease those who he thinks are cool
Fool’s gold can’t compare to Your currency
Currently the critics that cast canisters of curses may feel catastrophic but this is only momentary
And can’t compete or be compared to the crafted piece of canvas that you are
Safe and sound
Surrounded by community meant not only to comfort you but to challenge what they have called you
To call out the lies
To make you realize that there replies were only relaying their rough background
To turn around to see that they were just as hurt as me
Though I felt like a target with a victim mentality.
The reality was that they were a causality of crimes committed by those were didn’t care to share kindness
Didn’t spare a single sentence of intense scrutiny
So they decided to start a mutiny against mortal men
Pen is not always as powerful as the vocal cord
And they used there’s to do damage
But a savage I will not become
Causing havoc because of what happened
Forgetting and forgiving doesn’t seem fair but freedom follows those who follow through
Not an event but an experience lived daily
See they didn’t merely survive but thrive now and given the opportunity to show others how
This is not a show where at the end of the performance I bow
Better yet a proclamation of the loved poured out
A poem of progress that started not at SHOUT but at an empty tomb where the Saviour won the bout
Not for the sake of clot but to stamp and blot shame out of its existence
So that you can exist in Him
A piece of mastery
Flaws and all
Roll call
Are you present for attendance or attempting to align with outliers who are still outstanding after being the subject of opposition attacks
Detract
Don’t overreact
Unpack the dirty laundry
And breathe in the fresh air
Be who you are meant to be
The me that He sees